Dear Dad.

There’s so many things I’d like to tell you, to ask you. But I guess now I’ve lost the chance. The best I can do, is take this this bullshit blog social network site to get my feelings expressed, to get them out. I’ve lived in denial all these years, I’ve lied to myself for years saying that I deserved everything. I stayed up numerous nights, trying to justify what we went through. All those hateful words and names you called me, were just to make me stronger. All those times you made me bloody and bruised were just so I learn how to defend myself and not cry. I can’t lie to myself anymore. I’ll never know exactly why you did that to me. Maybe it was your own insecurities and demons that turned you into a monster. Financially, yes, you supported our family, we were well off. But I’d trade in every cent to have that childhood you tore away from me. Why did you just let me go? Was I not good enough? Was I not the all american son you wanted me to be? I looked up to you when I was too young and naive to know good from bad. A dad is supposed to teach me how to drive, shave, play baseball. I taught myself everything without your help. What you taught me, is to be a good person. I want to be nothing like you. Everything I do now days to be a success is my way of saying ‘fuck you’ to you. One day you’ll regret everything you did to me. I don’t know if you already do, and I guess now I’ll never know. If I could talk to you now, and ask you one question. It would be, did you ever love me?